EMOTIONAL EXERCISE 2
I get self-conscious when people glance at me after biting into a fingernail. It’s a nasty habit I’ve had for as long as I can remember. I’ve tried breaking this habit, but the urge creeps up on me and I chomp down without consciously thinking about it.
Habits are hard to break. Look at anyone who’s trying to quit smoking or working on overcoming an addiction.
We are creatures of habit. I bet most of us follow the same routines every morning in preparing for our day. There may be some slight modifications from day to day. But for the most part we follow the same chain of events, as if it were scripted. I know I do.
And it doesn’t end there. I follow the same routines when I drive, arrive at work, go home to exercise, eat dinner, etc. Even on the nights I go out, I have my habits — yoga every Monday followed by cheese enchiladas, writer’s group twice a month, Improv once per month, and so on.
I have a lot of habits. I’m not saying habits are bad. They do provide structure. But when I try to break from a habit, it’s tough.
The same is true of our emotions. We develop emotional habits that become ingrained. We do them without consciously thinking about them. They also provide structure. Unfortunately, we don’t always like some of the structure we’ve developed with our emotions and we try to break those habits.
For example, if negativity is one of the emotional structures developed, it creates a host of disappointments. They’re not just disappointing to you, but to those around you, too. Negativity can bring down even the highest flier. Plus, it just feels bad. That’s a good habit to break.
Yesterday I discussed the power of breathing in helping reshape emotions. Today I want to describe some the exercises needed to break emotional habits.
The first thing required is recognition. You can’t even begin breaking a habit until you’re aware of it. This requires developing a sense of your own presence and how you affect others. That starts inside, works it’s way out, then comes back inside again. First, become aware when you feel off, odd, angry, hurt, or in any other way “bad.” Don’t just push away your feelings or try to hide them. Realize and accept them. That’s the first “inside” part of this.
Once you’ve come to terms with this recognition, look outward. What are you doing? What kind of subtle clues are you getting from those around you about how your behavior affects them? Is their demeanor friendly and open to you? Or are they closing off? Are they frowning? Are they looking away from you, trying to avoid eye contact? Or even worse, trying to get away from you?
If you are open to yourself and feel them pushing away, then the second “inside” part comes into play. Look within and honestly assess if your behavior is an emotional habit that’s deeply ingrained.
This also requires honesty and recognition. Don’t chastise yourself for your habit, simply recognize it and realize emotional habits are part of the human experience. We all have them. Once you truly recognize the habit, that’s when you can figure out how to change it.
Since habits are so ingrained, they happen unconsciously. The only way to break habits is through conscious re-patterning. This simply means that when you become aware of it, force yourself to do something different.
What do you do? Well, unfortunately, I can’t tell you. That’s something only you can decide. Habits, their triggers, and the actions they provoke are individual. Only the individual can determine what will disrupt them. It may even take several attempts of trial and error to find something effective. Once you find what works, then it’s just a matter of repetition until your conscious actions replace the unconscious ones. That’s how you form new “positive” habits to replace the old ones. This requires good ole-fashioned perseverance.
Oops. I see by the glare from my colleague across the aisle that I just snapped my fingernail with my teeth. Well, recognition is the first step.
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