POTATO CHIPS 3
As I’m waiting to be cuffed by the security guard and hauled off, a funny thing happens. My eyes tear up. I start to cry.
At first, I just sniffle a little. My nose runs, but I don’t dare make any sudden movements with my hands. Miss Sharon, the security guard, would brain me for sure.
So I just let it drip, which grosses me out. However, it’s interesting to see how far the mucus stretches from my nose until finally dropping.
I’m filled with shame and self-loathing. What kind of role model am I for my kids? What mother eats a potato chip off the floor? What kind of person worries about their nose running when there’s a conspiracy afoot to stock the grocery stores with mutant snacks?
Something inside me breaks. I cry in big, whooping sobs until I can’t breathe. My eyes and nose get puffy and red. When I can’t cry anymore, I begin a high-pitched wail like a mourner at a pet funeral.
“I’m sorry!” I manage to blurt out. I blubber on.
“I’m so very, very sorry! I shouldn’t have eaten that potato chip. I should’ve never dunked my face in pimento cheese. I’m a disgrace to sensible shoppers everywhere! Please don’t take me to the ‘big house’.”
By this time, there’s a crowd of shoppers around us. They stand off to one side in a protective semi-circle of shopping carts. There are whisperings, mutterings, and clucking tongues. It reminds me of the kind of mob that used to turn out for public hangings and executions.
The store manager doesn’t seem to like all the attention. He waves at the crowd and plasters a forced smile on his chubby face.
“No need to interrupt your shopping, folks. Just a little disturbance we have to resolve. Just another example of how we strive to provide you with the very best in customer service and attention.”
No one moves. The chatter grows louder. I continue to whimper. The store manager is growing nervous. Big, wet rings of sweat appear on his shirt under the armpits. He clears his throat.
“Tell you what, the first twenty customers that hurry over to the frozen-foods aisle will receive five dollars worth of coupons good toward any purchase of our store-brand vegetables.
“Anyone who leaves within the next three minutes will receive an additional bonus; our store-brand cheese snacks normally two for four dollars, now absolutely free! Limit one cheese snack per customer. This offer cannot be combined with any other offer, coupon or discount.”
A couple of shoppers start to drift off. That’s when my befuddled brain springs into action.
“Don’t do it!” I yell, flinging snot and strands of pimento cheese at the crowd.
“Their store brands use synthesized, genetically altered products. Do you want your kids to eat something mutated and then glow in the dark for the next 50 years? I know I don’t.”
The elderly stock-boy stops wheezing, declaring, “You’re a lying son-of-a-gun who’d sooner bugger your mother than tell the truth!”
“Not telling the truth? It’s you guys who aren’t telling the truth! I challenge any of you to eat a store-brand potato chip and tell me it tastes like anything other than wallpaper paste!”
I’m trembling with righteous anger. Cries of, “Yeah, do what the potato-chip gals says!” rise like a chorus from the crowd.
Mr. Stock boy grabs a bag of potato chips and rips it open. He thrusts his hand inside, emerging with a fistful of chips. He stuffs these into his mouth, chewing heartily for several minutes. Then, he stops. He walks over to the store manager and promptly vomits on him.
If you're enjoying this over coffee, tea, or whatever, please consider buying me a cup!REACH PRINCESS, REACH
“Give me your hand, princess!” the captain hollers.
“No. You’ll just pull me back and I can almost touch it,” the princess replies.
“Give me your hand now, princess. You can’t hold on much longer.”
“No, just another inch and I’ll reach it. It’s so close and I’ve wanted it for so long.”
“Princess, it’s not worth losing your life if you slip,” he pleads.
She hesitates, thinking briefly about what he’s said, but then extends her hand until her fingers touch its jewel encrusted rim, and the glisten from its sheen sparkles across her wide green eyes.
“Princess!” the captain cries out, as she loses her footing, lurches forward, and falls into the abyss.
Pretty exciting piece, eh? Sounds like the script of a fantasy adventure movie. But actually it’s the everyday dialogue between everyday people. Oh, I dressed it up a bit, but there’s nothing fantasy about it.
So many people constantly stretch perilously beyond their reach for that one magic thing to change their lives forever. They risk losing everything they have to obtain it. And sometimes they do pluck it right from the jaws of disaster. But then what happens? Are they satisfied with it? Or do they idolize it for a time, then cast it away, seeking the next magic thing?
And it doesn’t have to be a “thing” at all. Sometimes it’s a person, a job, a circumstance which places them in a situation where they’ll do or feel something they’ve always wanted. They condition themselves to always seek out that one more prize they believe will satisfy them.
Now, there’s nothing at all wrong with having dreams and working toward achieving them. However, if on the way to those dreams we cast aside all we have around us, then we really need to think first about assessing whether the risk is worth it. Sometimes it is. But is it a conscious decision to reach for that dream? Or is it a constant obsession of risking everything time and again to collect the next charm on life’s bracelet.
A lot of people are never satisfied with all the blessings they have surrounding them. They’re convinced something of greater value lies just beyond the horizon to lift their lives upward, closer toward bliss.
The sad thing is that happiness is not achieved, it’s lived. Happiness already resides within each and every one of us. All it requires is opening ourselves up and experiencing it. We don’t have to seek it beyond what we already have. We don’t need to cast away the love of our closest companions to find it. We can’t trade unhappiness for happiness by obtaining some new privilege.
If we can’t feel happiness right now in our lives, one more experience won’t bestow it upon us.
Happiness begins with appreciation. It’s strengthened by acceptance. It’s bound to us by tolerance. It’s guaranteed through appreciation. It’s a tidy little circle.
That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t strive to reach new heights. But if it means burning the ladder beneath us to get there, then we’re simply climbing to self-destruction. Once we sever the ties we have to those who love us, we’re left with nothing but ourselves and the poisoned cup of regret.
So, princess, reach for that shining jewel, but keep your hand firmly clasped to mine as you reach. Appreciate all you have on this side of the abyss before making a decision to let go.
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