KAYAKING
I kayak. I’ve done it for years with the same group of buddies. I love the sport, especially white-water kayaking. Nothing demands my attention like trying to avoid a boulder the size of Manhattan.
I don’t care for paddling that requires me to think too much. So I tend to paddle rivers with moderate current and small rapids. Oh sure, I take whitewater-rafting trips on insane rivers, but only if I get to sit in the back and the river guide tells me what to do.
Though I prefer moving water, I enjoy paddling the “flat-water” of placid lakes and creeks. Flat-water can be challenging, though. I learned to stay alert on Southern, black-water creeks overhung with trees. Stuff tends to fall from the tree limbs with alarming frequency. And I can personally attest that the only thing worse than a bunch o’ spiders dropping into a boat is a large snake.
There are “hair” boaters who live for the adrenaline rush of a near-death experience. The vast majority of these individuals are male — women know better. It has to be chromosomes that drive a man to ignore all the perfectly safe routes through a rapid in favor of the “hero” route.
White-water kayakers, like surfers, have their own language. So if I say, “Hey, the water is five-feet over paddler’s gauge and way creekin’ and gnarly,” everyone understands me. There are water features that sound like fun and are, like a “wave train”. However, there are other features, like “boulder gardens”, that aren’t.
Kayaking is good for me. I’ve become very adventurous. Being on a river all day with no bathroom helped me overcome my shyness. I used to have a problem with performing excretory functions in the great outdoors. But now I’m proud that I can quickly peel off a wetsuit and pee anywhere. I just have to be careful not to park my butt on anything with leaves-of-three.
I spend a lot of time at water sports so I have several wetsuits. But I don’t like them. They’re not flattering to the female figure. Most are so tight they outline every fatty bulge — some I didn’t know I had. I’m forced to spend a lot of time sucking in my stomach to look svelte. And I don’t have any use for the male, crotch-level zipper on the front of the suit, except perhaps for ventilation.
I haven’t mastered a kayak roll (known as an “Eskimo roll”) and don’t intend to. The maneuver was supposedly originated by the Eskimos. But I challenge anyone to find an Eskimo who’d say that capsizing a boat in sub-freezing water is anything but suicidal. I agree, especially if rocks are involved.
If you're enjoying this over coffee, tea, or whatever, please consider buying me a cup!RESHAPING PARADIGMS
Ever notice how when you feel good, everything seems perfect? But when you feel bad, everything is off kilter.
I awoke this morning early. “Hot dog!” I thought. I could get a jump on the day. Since I was already awake, there was no sense letting the alarm buzz in a half hour. So I switched off the alarm. Well, I must have dozed off because the next thing I remember was looking at the clock and now I was a half hour late. I jumped up and dashed into the shower.
I recently had my kitchen remodeled. I went the whole nine yards. New cabinets, floor, countertop, sinks, faucet, and appliances. I noticed when I tried to make some oatmeal today that one of the burners on my new range didn’t light. No big deal. Things like this happen. That’s what they have warranties for. I figured I’d just call later.
Then I went to Cuppy’s of Wilmington, my favorite coffee shop. I ordered my usual and bantered with a regular while I waited. I paid for my drink and left. Walking to my car, I sipped the sugar-free, orange-almond, nonfat latte. Yuck! Instead of the normal taste of espresso nectar, it tasted like soap!
I went back. Rachel made me three more drinks, all of which tasted soapy. We did some troubleshooting. No unusual cleaning of the equipment was done. The flavors came from the same bottles as the day before. They hadn’t changed coffee suppliers. The milk was from a different gallon than the day before, but no other customers complained. So, I left puzzled, with an odd tasting drink in my hands and a bad taste in my mouth, literally.
I got to work and started crunching numbers looking for patterns. Well, that is what statisticians do. But the patterns I’d seen the day before in the same data set I was working on, just didn’t seem to be so obvious today. In addition, I ran some tests that I was certain I’d run the day before showing significance, but couldn’t find them in my file. The results of today’s tests were not significant. How perplexing!
I took a break to call for service on my stove. The customer service rep was polite and very helpful in finding a dealer in my area to provide warranty service. She gave me the phone number and an authorization code. I dialed the number, but that company had gone out of business. “What the heck!” I thought.
Then it dawned on me. I’ve been grappling with some disappointment that’s been building up in my life lately. Nothing earth shattering, just a paradigm I need to reshape. But, that was enough to tip the balance of my fortune away from being in tune with the universe to someone who was a “victim.”
I took some positive steps to reshape my paradigm. This made me feel in control again.
I then called that customer service rep back and told her the company to which she referred me was out of business. She asked me to hold on the line while she tried calling a second company. Presto! This one is still in business and I have an appointment for service tomorrow.
I opened my data file again and this time the patterns that eluded me 20 minutes earlier were as clear as the nose on my face. I then saw the mistake I’d made when running my tests earlier and, sure enough, the results were significant.
I even re-tasted my latte and guess what — that awful soapy taste was gone. I swilled it down!
Not all of life’s challenges fall in place as dramatically as these. But taking charge and regaining a positive attitude helps bring solutions to light that were always available, but simply shrouded in darkness.
If you're enjoying this over coffee, tea, or whatever, please consider buying me a cup!
