ICE CREAM AND PIZZA
Ice cream and pizza are universally popular foods. However, that’s hard to understand if, according to a recent study, approximately two-thirds of the world’s population is lactose-intolerant.
“Lactose-intolerance” is the state of being unable to digest the sugar in dairy products. One key ingredients of both ice cream and pizza is usually dairy milk.
There’re certainly alternative milk products and dairy substitutes available. But the taste of these isn’t something I’d want to have in my ice cream or pizza.
Ice cream made from camel or goat milk doesn’t conjure up a pleasant image. And I challenge anyone to find an Italian pizzeria that would serve a soy ‘n tofu pizza, except perhaps in California.
That means there’s either a lot of lactose-intolerant Americans avoiding ice cream and pizza, or a lot of them eating these foods anyway. My money’s on the latter. And what does “pizzeria” rhyme with? (Hint: the word starts with a “dia”…)
While we’re on the subject of ice cream and pizza, who decided we need to have variety? If I were a conspiracy theorist I’d blame it on “capitalist entrepreneurs rabidly driving ever more product differentiation so they can sock-it to the common man, woman, and child in the form of higher unit prices”. Amen.
Too many times I’ve waited on line at the ice-cream parlor while some decisionally-challenged person pondered their choices. Usually it’s a large family, mostly children. Johnny just can’t decide between the Rainbow or Clown ice cream.
If it was my kid I’d grab him by the scruff of his waffling neck and say, “Hey buddy, either you make a choice, now, or we go home and you get to have the leftover liver.” That’d do it.
It’d be easier for everyone if we could turn back the clock to the days when there were just three flavor varieties; vanilla, chocolate and strawberry. Most other flavors are a combination of those anyway, except for regional varieties like Yorktown Yum-Yum or Saginaw Sludge.
Some people like to personalize their ice cream. And I have a solution. You want hot fudge, sprinkles or a candy-bar drizzled on your ice cream? Go home and do it.
With regard to pizza, I’m perfectly happy with a cheese or pepperoni pizza, and you can be, too. It’s a simple choice. You don’t have to spend an hour wading through a list of toppings or types of dough.
Nor do you risk getting an order wrong because you can’t remember all your choices. And there’s a big difference between a pizza with banana peppers and one with habaneros, as I discovered.
Personally, I think they should ban sardines altogether as a pizza topping as it turns my stomach to see hairy, dead fish swimming in tomato sauce. Also in that same category are ingredients that constitute meals other than lunch and dinner, such as eggs or frozen peanut butter.
A pizza slice loaded with toppings is just unnatural. It’s too heavy to lift. You have to eat it with a fork and knife, which can take up precious time. If I wanted a sit-down meal, I’d have lasagna or pot roast.
Pizza was meant to be consumed, not just “eaten”. A proper cheese-pizza slice is picked up, folded, stuffed into the mouth, and finished in three (max, four) bites.
You can’t do that with a Sicilian slice, heavy on the dough, or a broccoli-cheddar-clam-meatball-pesto one.
So, to those who keep adding stuff and choices to our pizza I say, “Leave it my way.”
To those who continue to mess with our ice cream I say, “Let my ice cream go!”
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